Room 12B

I have been in a nursing home for years. I don't know how many years. You sort of lose track of time when you are in one of these places. I am in Room 12B. I have been moved around a lot. I was in really nice places years ago but after my wife died things began to go downhill. We didn't have children so she was all I had. I had a stroke and she couldn't take care of me. I was dieing a long time before that though. I retired from working…that's one of the first stages of death…when you are not working any more. After my wife died I had to have an overseer, I think they call them a guardian, look after me. The first guardian was pretty nice but the ones after her have not cared. I have the window side of the room. They put me in a room where the other person does not talk or make sounds. I know the routines of the attendants or nurses aids. When my roommate has an accident in their bed I ring the buzzer.

No one comes to visit. Not even on Christmas. I've gotten used to it. The staff tries to lighten everyone's spirits but we all know the only way we will ever leave is if we take the big sleep. Medical care declines when you run out of money. Normally that's when you get put on Medicaid. You can get depressed living in a place like this…with the smells and all. I always wanted to die quick, like I go to bed, fall asleep, and then I wake up in heaven. Things have not worked out like that for me. I am in pain all the time. They either cannot or will not do anything about the pain. I have a doctor but I don't know who the doctor is. The older you get the more they tend to not care about you as much. When you run out of insurance money or your savings, and you are old…well, you get the picture.

Some of the nursing homes I've been in have had activities but this place is one of the "last resorts" if you know what I mean. \

I know I am dieing. I know because the other day I started to see sparkles fall out of the ceiling. Then I saw a white being of some kind at the foot of my bed. I asked the being if it was time to go and the being said "In a little while." I waited and waited but I'm still here. I used to have a strong belief in God but with all I have had to go through, I still have a belief but not as strong as when I was younger and healthier. I want the angel or white being to come and take me to see God. I don’t have anything to live for, or at least not like years ago. My wife and I did not have much except God and each other but that was enough. When she died it was like everything else collapsed in my life.

Laying here waiting to die has given me a new way of looking at things. I realize now I was not thankful enough for ordinary things in my life. I took everything for granted. I did not see the small things in my life or how important they were. I took people for granted and did not thank them enough. I realize now everyone's life on earth is supposed to be used to learn and to grow. I have learned God is love and through God in Christ I can live forever even if my body gives out. I've learned we are supposed to use our mind and care about using our mind. We are not supposed to just turn off our brain at a certain age. We are supposed to love each other and love God because love lasts forever while hate dies a quick and painful death. Your body grows old but your soul is ageless. You cannot cheat physical death. If you have accepted Christ as your savior then your age is never a real issue because you live forever. Crime does not pay. The unrighteousness of crime can carry a penalty lasting forever…a penalty you do not want to pay. Remember love abides. Remember the secret to your happiness is gratitude.

I can't wait for my new life to start. I have some fear because I have never been this way before. Now there are silvery sparkles coming through my ceiling here in my room. There is this man or angel or whatever he is standing at the foot of my bed. I am going to have to go now. May Jesus keep you all of your days. May all of your days last forever in His arms.

This message is fiction. This message was presented in May 2012 as the Virtual Church message in Shepherd's Care Ministries virtual church site at http://www.shepherdscare.net